Table for seven

We were craving a proper steak and I spotted the W Wolfgang’s sign up from the 24th floor of the Epic Hotel in downtown Miami and I figured that it was Wolfgang Puck’s joint and it’s probably gonna be tasty so with the quickness I searched for Wolfgang’s on google maps and clicked on the website link (It wasn’t Pucks it was Zwiener’s who ever that f that is). I called the number and booked us a table for 7:00pm EST. We had to eat soon because Lauren had planned a boat dance cruise at Miamarina at 9pm on her quest to hear Fetti Wap so I was putting the master plan together with precision. After downing my second Heineken and hustling the little lady along with the getting ready process we finally were out the door and had 10 minutes to spare.

As we exited the EPIC and started walking I noticed that Wolfgang’s looked much closer from street level and we would probably arrive about 6.9 minutes early. Better early than late I always say. ::cough::

Fair steakhouse prices. Well worth it.

We were greeted by a chick and some dude with an accent and I said “Hi, my name is hWild and we are a bit early but I reserved a table for 7”. She consulted her little sheet but had no record of such reservation because apparently I didn’t notice the number I called was for the New York Wolfgang’s. No problem though, the place was empty other than a few people outside on the patio tables, the dude with the accent had us wait for a moment while they prepared our table. Why it didn’t seem odd to us they had to prepare a table when the entire place was empty is beyond me but we chilled for a few and enjoyed the awkwardness of standing there like douches.

VIP Table for 7 of amazingness

Accent dude came back and walked us to a nice round table with a big basket of bread and some waters so we were happy and ordered up a Heineken and a Prosecco and nibbled on the tasty selection of carbs as we analyzed the menu. The 12oz 28-day dry aged Filet stuck out like a sore thumb to both of us. I was about done with my beer, L had killed her Prosecco and the bread basket was totes destroyed… we were wondering wtf was going on… where did our waiter go and why have we not ordered our proteins yet? Finally we waved down a waiter that was walking by (not sure if he was ours or not, they all look like Manuel from Fawlty Towers) and expalined to him we were starving as F and would like to order. He said

Wouldn’t you like to wait for the others to arrive?

We looked at each other and it was then I realized truly how important the words “for” and “at” are regarding the reservation process.

Before we knew it our amazing huge round table with 7 chairs around it was collapsed down to tiny regular round table for 2 like I used to do with my Optimus Prime transformer toy when I first got it for my 8th birthday. There must have been 5 Manuels running around sliding chairs away, removing cutlery and wine glasses, snapping down the edges of the table and cleaning the crumbs off the table cloth. We went from VIP baller status to douche status in about .420 seconds.

12oz. 28 day dry aged rare filet. Perfection.

After the embarrassment wore off we were excited to get our meats and ram them down. We ordered fries too cuz that’s just how it has to be. I base all steakhouse ratings on six things. 1) Martini (although I did not get one this time because I was trying to remain somewhat sober for the boat ride) 2) Breadal units 3) French Onion Soup 4) Steakal unit 5) Fries 6) Creme Brulee

The fries were ok, typical steak fries, nothing special really. They serve their steaks with some special brown sauce that is their signature but I wasn’t really feeling it. Kinda was like thanksgiving gravy but suckier. I had my usual Bearnaise on the side and it was very tasty and went perf with the amazing hunk of 12 oz dry aged steakal unit. I am now positive that I prefer the taste of a dry aged steak vs a non dry aged. This was one of the best filet’s I have ever had. It was perfectly cooked and seasoned to perfection. I never wanted the feast to end. Unfortunately we had to bolt so we could be early for the boat party cuz I have to be early to everything. That’s just how I roll. We didn’t get enough time to do a full 6 meal with soup, martini and brulee. 🙁

The steak was extraordinary. I couldn’t get that mfer out of my mind but I had to focus and continue operation Fetty so we get on the boat and start getting crunk. I flagged down Manuel and paid and we ubered our way to the boat cruise about 10 lbs heavier and $200 lighter. Perf timing, right in the front of the line. Thank me laters.

I give the overall meal 4.5 big round tables out of 5