I will never forget the day I got raped in South Beach Miami. We just got to the hotel and were out to explore the famous strip of beach and find something to eat when we were greeted at the restaurant next door by a flamboyant dude with a strange accent. “Half off food and drinks are buy one get one free during happy hour, come on in!”
Gorge view and people watching for sure but that’s about all that is good. I wanted a martini as I always do but the waitress said I needed to get a “manly drink” so I said F it, bring me one. I wasn’t even going to ask about the price cuz we are on vacation and I anything goes, that’s how cool I was. First mistake.
So she brings out these huge gay ass drinks (which had about 69420666 sugar calories and little alcohol) and then asks if we would like chips, guac.. “sure, bring them bitches out” I say. I ask for salsa as well but do you see any in that pic? What finally came about 30 mins later was warmed up tomato sauce. WTF?
Still we are having a nice time watching an older couple down on the sidewalk table. I guessed they were Brits but we never found out. The wife as a complete bitch and never once smiled as she rammed her fat face full of food while her husband tried to make her happy. Ugggghhhhhhhhhhhhh
I ordered a chicken parm with my usual fettuccine alfredo cuz I was totes feeling it. Price was amazing too at a regular $23 but half off which made it $12ish, what a sweet night so far. It tasted pretty good and I polished the whole thing off which was easily a serving for 2.
We ask for the bill and do some quick figures in my head and come up with a $50ish bill.
We get the bill and it was $150ish. W T F????????????
Things add up when drinks are $40 each and chips and guac are $16. Oh and the buy one get one free offer means you have to buy them both for yourself. We argued that they were misleading and we didn’t want to drink 2 of those huge fishbowls of sugar each so we got out of that one.
Oh I like how when presenting the bill also the waitress begs for a tip on top of the already included 20% tip that they don’t tell you about. She says she has cuban kids at home she needs to take care of and that 20% tip goes to the bar tender, chefs and the guy that originally sucked us in from off the street. F OFF!!!!!
We complained and they offered us some free drinks but at that point we were done getting raped. So I would like to thank The Carlyle Hotel for teaching us quickly how South Beach Miami works because every MFGD bar or restaurant there does the exact same tourist scam job. You couldn’t pay me to visit South Beach again anyhow.. what a shidhole full of morons and thieves.